Embracing 40 and FABULOUS!

I think it's interesting that whenever I get near a birthday I begin to reflect on my life.

I've been looking forward to this birthday, like a child, I am always excited to celebrate life. But this birthday in particular holds something really dynamic for me.

Ten years ago, gearing up toward my 30th birthday, I was deeply depressed. My life just wasn't at all what I imagined it to be.
Picture this...


10 years into a boring dreadful career, crunching numbers in a grey cube, surrounded by women who for some reason found pleasure in making me miserable for 9 hours a day. I would commute an hour each way to get to this place.

Oh, don't get me wrong, it had it's benefits, like health insurance and a solid paycheck. A vacation day here or there and a ton of guilt each time you used one. I had an amazing boss, who I love and try to stay connected with still today. Not everyone gets to say that, for that gift I am truly grateful.

I remember clearly early mornings, standing at the window, watching my daughter - who by this time was nine, waiting for the bus at the end of the drive way. I would cry because I knew I was missing so much and that she was missing me too.  My heart ached deeply and I was sure hers did too.
I failed her in so many ways when she was young, not giving her my time was the ultimate of failures for a Mom, in my mind.

Within a few years of starting with my last employer, I knew that I needed to commit to a change of direction.Yet, I did not know how. How could I leave a job that paid me more than I've been told I'm worth? How could I leave a place with a nice 401k plan and health insurance benefits? No matter how miserable I was, I was doing what I was supposed to do. Provide, contribute, and that is what mattered most.

What's worse is by 30, I was gaining weight quickly, deep in emotional eating disorder and deeper in financial and emotional debt. I was in pain, I was on medication for depression, I was struggling to stay focused and I was missing my life.

I got really, really sick.... 

I created Irritable Bowel Syndrome in my body. I developed chronic migraines, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and panic attacks to boot.

"How did I get here?" I kept asking myself. And I could see my 30th birthday looming ahead. With all it's underlying meanings of being grown up and responsible. I felt like I failed.

Needless to say, the birthday was greeted with tears and dismay.

This year is a complete contradiction to the space I was in then.

I'll be 40 and I FEEL FABULOUS! 

If anyone told me age could make a person better I'd probably have punched them right in the face.
I chuckle now, but you can see the space I was in was no laughing matter.

I'm looking dead on at my 40th birthday on June 20th. Wow. I don't feel a hint of dread. Not a hint of sorrow. No I should'a or I could'a.

Today, I sit in my favorite chair in my living room, facing two doors that look out onto my back yard. My GREAT BIG GREEN BEAUTIFUL country back yard.

This is my office.

Well, one of two. My other office faces west and looks out to the distant mountains to my GREAT BIG BEAUTIFUL GREEN front yard. (It's not always green, which is why I emphasize that.)

My coworkers have fur and are quiet, most of the time. They love me and think I'm GREAT at what I do.

Best of all, my daughter (and now 5 year old son as well) both get to see me a lot! We have one "adventure day" a week, where we travel out into the world and look for fun things to do. We share stories, I get to cook their meals and love them up when ever I like.

Every thing is better. I feel better, I definitely look better - my skin is clear, my eyes are bright, my skin is tan, I am my healthy ideal weight and my relationship with food has totally changed.

I live a life that I have designed. It has it's pitfalls, like I'm still learning how to create a healthy work/life balance. (That's pretty hard when you like what you do and your office is in your house.)

But I get to honor my family, I get to honor me. I get to LIVE MY LIFE!

At 40, things are AMAZING! 


I am so grateful for being able to celebrate this year with my family and friends. I am grateful for each person who has believed (and those who continue to believe) in me on my journey toward living my best life. I am truly grateful for my husband who has shown me how incredible his love for me is in the many ways he has supported me in the past few years. I am grateful for being here for the last year or two of my many furry critter's lives, so I have been able to love them the way they have always loved me. 
I am grateful to experience this amazing place I live. I am so grateful for my beautiful children and finally the time to experience motherhood in all it's challenges and glory.
I am so grateful for my practitioners and for my clients for having trust and faith in me. 
I am grateful to IIN for showing me how to cross the bridge.


At 40, I am so grateful and will say that if this birthday brings tears, they are ones of sincere and deep gratitude for being here and getting to fully engage in my life. 


At 40, I get to say, "I DID IT!!!!"


In Vibrant Health and Happiness,
Tammi